The Growing Rift between Hope and Expectation

I guess I never realized how fortunate and blessed I was. But once it did hit me, it really hit me. I was sitting around talking about a presentation given by one of the other chaplains, and in it she had made the general comment that “you can’t depend on your family when you need them.” That comment really stood out to me…I told her that I thought that someone should be able to depend on their family for emotional support. Then my supervisor told me that thinking one could get emotional support from one’s family could only lead to disappointment.

To say the least, I was shocked…I have been very blessed with my family, that I have always felt comfortable going back to them when I needed someone to talk to, when I needed to vent, when I needed to work out a problem. But it really got me on the path of understanding just how it is for many other people.

So many people have divorced parents, and even in married families situations are often rife with strife. For many years the entertainment industry has made a killing on selling to these emotions in teenagers, from the witty contributions of The Fresh Prince’s “Parents Just Don’t Understand” to the latest teen angst pop punk contribution, Green Day’s “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”:

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I hope I’m not the only one who is filled with sadness that so many people today don’t think they can trust others anymore. It breaks my heart when I talk to people whose home is that lonely road and who find themselves walking alone. I don’t think that I’m alone in that sadness. It makes me think about just how far we’ve fallen in our expectations of others, especially our own families.

Here is where the rift between expectation and hope is most apparent. I don’t think that anyone goes into a marriage or carries on a friendly relationship explicitly HOPING to be let down, to be rejected, to be hurt, to be abused. And yet when people are tolerant of relationships where they don't EXPECT emotional and spiritual support, it closes the door on genuine friendship. You can’t allow yourself to be completely open and to experience authentic relationships where you can truly be yourself.

I believe that one of the greatest problems with much of mainstream Christianity and Lutheranism in America is how we’ve lowered our expectations, how we see ourselves, what we expect Christians to look like. How do we look at ourselves as sinners? How do we look at ourselves as Christians? While some churches have gone off the deep end telling people what they need to do have a great life, others are lying face-down in the shallow end of the pool with expectationless gospel.

And once again, we find ourselves standing on ground where being Lutheran provides something solid. We already have in our tradition that balance between Law and Gospel, where we know and acknowledge that we are sinners, but also that we are redeemed and freed to bear good fruit. We are called to lead a life that reflects the love Christ had for us, loving us when we are down, calling us to accountability when we are slipping, but most of all, expecting us to be his body, to bring His kingdom to this world.

Why else would Jesus have told us, “You will be my witnesses…to the ends of the earth”? Why else would Paul quote, “‘I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters,’ says the Lord Almighty.” God has these expectations of us, that we would be witnesses sharing his care for others, helping others experience what it’s like being part of God’s family.

Are these high expectations? Probably.

Is this an unreasonable hope? I expect not.